got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My pussy is not your playground.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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