you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
