i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
