So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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