what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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