Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
