I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
