Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
there is puke in my bra ... again
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