I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All the doctor said was why
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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