I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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