i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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