Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
