You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
