Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
