we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
