none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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