I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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