i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
