Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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