Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
