I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
