Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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