so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
