You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
