I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
