I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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