you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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