Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
