I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
