we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
