I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
