my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
