We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
