i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
