marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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