Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
