he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
