last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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