just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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