Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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