Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
