if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
