Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
