I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
