I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
