Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
