I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
