White coat. Heels.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
MIDGETS
????
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
