just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
