I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
