I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
