there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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