I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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