Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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