I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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