Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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