I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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