Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
