i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
