I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
