You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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