A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
