clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
