What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
