No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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