you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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