Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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