a queef is a wish your heart makes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
