Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS