Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
