honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
