it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
