Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
