She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
