Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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