I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
