Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
