I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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