hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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