Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
