I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
